Just a Game of Dragonistic Truth or Dare
by Evil Shall Giggle
Summary: COMPLETE! A rather drunk Eragon starts up a game of truth or dare with Orik, Saphira, and Arya. Randomness, and some OOCness ensues. Other characters will appear later.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: don't own it.

**Evil Shall Giggle: mwahaha. This is my second Truth or Dare story, and I'm loving it. (bababababaaa, I'm lovin' it…)**

**Arya: oookay.**

**Evil: what?**

**Arya: nothing.**

**Ajihad: lovely singing voice, dear, just lovely.**

**Evil: thank—wait. What the hell are you doing here! You're dead!**

**Ajihad: urgh… (gurgle)**

**Eragon: ew… blood and gore…**

**Arya: squeamish, now are we?**

**Eragon: …no…**

**Arya: right.**

**Evil: anyways, on with the actual story…**

Taking another sip from his two-pint mug of beer, Eragon giggled. Saphira raised her massive head from her keg and stared inquisitively at him.

_What? _She asked him. He shook his head.

_Nothing._

…_you're drunk,_ she stated accusingly.

_So what if I am? It's not like _you_ can talk._

She didn't reply, but just stuck her snout into her barrel again.

Eragon glanced over at Orik, who was gulping down mug after mug as though there was no tomorrow. Arya sat calmly at the end of the table, quietly sipping a glass of water and looking vaguely disgusted.

An idea suddenly occurred to Eragon. He leapt up, jolting the table and sloshing beer onto the table, and shouted, "Let's play Truth or Dare!"

Arya didn't even look up at him. Orik frowned. "What is this new madness?" the dwarf demanded gruffly.

"It's a game," Eragon explained, grinning. "You ask someone 'Truth or dare?' and they answer with either truth or dare. If they pick truth, the asking person gets to ask them a question and the answerer has to tell the truth. If they pick dare, the asking person gets to think of a task, it's better if it's embarrassing or stupid, and the answerer has to do it."

Orik blinked.

"Get it?" asked the Rider. Orik nodded slowly.

"Will our elf friend be joining us?" he tipped his head towards Arya.

"No," she said flatly.

"Oh come on, Arya," Eragon pleaded. Saphira looked beseechingly at her. Arya came dangerously close to rolling her eyes, but relented.

"Alright, Argetlam," she said with a sigh. "I shall play."

"Okay!" Eragon sat down and motioned at the seat beside him. "You'll need to be closer to us."

Arya reluctantly switched seats, perching on the edge away from him.

"Who wants to start?" he asked cheerfully, taking another swig of ale. When no one volunteered, he said, "I will!"

Saphira took a small step backwards.

"Okay…" Eragon surveyed the small crowd of upturned faces. "How about… Arya! Truth or dare?"

Arya put her head in her hands. "How did I know? How?" she muttered. "Dare?" she said hesitantly.

He grinned wolfishly. "Drink a pint of beer," he said holding up his own mug and drinking.

Arya nodded. "If that is your bidding, Argetlam."

Another pint was brought to her by a server who lurked nearby, and she raised the massive thing to her lips. Her delicate hands looked lost on the huge vessel. With a half-smirk, she downed it in one go.

"Wow," Eragon breathed. "I didn't know you drank."

She shrugged. "Old habits die hard, I suppose."

"So who's turn is it now?" asked Orik.

"It's Arya's," said Eragon. "Because I just asked her."

"Then I choose you, Eragon," Arya said, a small note of amusement in her voice. "Truth or dare?"

"Dare," he wagged his eyebrows suggestively. "As always."

"You should cut back on the drink, lad," Orik commented.

"Mm, indeed," Arya agreed. "I dare you to skip around this hall once, singing the most woman-like song you know."

Eragon blushed, but got up from the table, setting down his precious drink. He thought for a moment, then started skipping.

"Ring around a rosie," he sang, beaming. "A pocket full of posie. Husha, husha! We all fall down!"

Just as he was reaching the 'husha' bit, he passed by the server, who ran off to tell his queen that they had found an insane Rider, and that the entire world was doomed.

Eragon had to repeat his song three times before he reached the table again and sat down. Arya was laughing.

_Laughing._ Really laughing. Not just chuckling as he'd seen her do before, but really, really _laughing._

"That's the first time I've seen you laugh," he said, touching a hand to her cheek. Apparently, he still had enough soberness in him to think about that.

She quieted right down at that.

"Anyway," he said, the liquor taking over his brain functions once more. "It's my turn now. Arya, truth or dare?"

"We're feeling rather left out over here," said Orik indignantly, standing beside Saphira with an arm around her neck. She nodded her agreement.

"That's too bad for you, then, isn't it?" said Eragon pleasantly, then turned back to Arya.

"Truth," she said.

"Tell me about Fäolin."

"That's not a question."

"Okay, let me rephrase that. What did you think of Fäolin?"

Arya looked away. "He was, as I said before, a proud warrior. But he was also… caring, kind, considerate. He always had time for me, even when I had done something silly. He always listened…"

Eragon sighed. "Okay, okay, stop."

She stared up at Eragon. "Is it my turn?"

He nodded.

"Saphira?"

_Truth._

"Do you have feelings for Solombum?"

_Possibly…_

"That's not an answer, Saphira," said Eragon.

_Yes._

Arya smiled. Orik looked at them like they were crazy, as he couldn't hear their thought-conversation.

_My turn. Orik. Truth or dare?_

They all looked at the dwarf expectantly. He blinked. "What're you all looking at me for?"

"Oh!" Eragon explained. "Saphira's asking you."

_Saphira! Why not broadcast your thoughts to Orik too?_

_Because it's difficult. His mind's so rough._ Eragon glared sternly at her. _Fine,_ she relented, _Orik, truth or dare?_

"Truth," he said.

"Truth?" Eragon frowned. "Truth is for _girls_."

_Hey! _exclaimed Saphira.

"That's impolite," commented Arya.

_Are you married? _The dragon asked.

"Yes," said Orik. "To a lovely lass, with a long beard…"

Arya's eyebrows shot up and she glanced over at Eragon, who wore the same expression of horror and mild disgust. "A beard?" she whispered dubiously. Eragon shrugged.

"Ew…"

**Like it love it hate it, leave a review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Eragon, Eldest, or any characters therein.

**Evil: okay, truly, I can't remember from Eldest if dwarf women have beards or not, but in my story, they do. So hmph.**

**Eragon: (pats on back, smirk) it's alright, Evil. We understand.**

**Evil: (sob) wahhh! Everyone hates me! Wahhhh…**

**Eragon: (inches away slowly) er…**

**Arya: how could you be so cruel, Eragon? You've made a lady cry!**

**Evil: wahh!**

**Eragon: she's not exactly a lady… more like a child…**

**Evil: (stops crying right away) Shut up! I am so a lady!**

**Eragon: are not.**

**Evil: am too!**

**Arya: I'll just, er, be leaving…**

"Dwarf women have beards, Argetlam," Arya stated, recovering quickly from her disgust and becoming sensible. Again. "Did you not know that?"

Eragon blinked. "No."

He frowned. How was it that she knew _everything_? I mean, come on, who knew that dwarf women had beards? Huh?

_I knew that,_ said Saphira, with a twitch of her lip that looked disturbingly close to a smirk.

_Quiet,_ snapped Eragon.

"If I am not mistaken," said Orik, "It is my turn now, correct?"

"Yeah," grunted Eragon, nodding and taking a swig of beer. He glanced over at Arya's empty glass, which she was absentmindedly pushing back and forth with her forefingers. Sure, he had a two-pint, but still. Beaten by a girl. Oh the humiliation of it all.

"Eragon, lad," Orik lifted his mug in the general direction of the Rider. "Truth or dare?"

"Dare," Eragon refrained with much difficulty from nudging Arya and wagging his eyebrows at her again.

"Of course," began Orik, "You know how to waltz?"

Eragon nodded, a feeling somewhere between elation and dread settling in the pit of his stomach.

"Well, then I shall dare you to waltz with Arya," the dwarf finished with a smirk.

Arya twitched a bit, looking extremely irritated. "That is unfair!" she exclaimed, "The dare should only be bad for the person dared it!"

"It's true, Orik," put in Eragon, heat rising in his cheeks.

"Fine!" Orik crossed his arms, "Then I will do it again! Arya, truth or dare?"

"Truth," she said, a hint of defiance in the one syllable.

"Barzul," swore Orik under his breath. "Arya, have you ever loved a person?"

"My mother," she replied, a note of smugness colouring her normally emotionless voice.

"That's not what I meant," Orik grumbled, "and you know it."

"Perhaps."

Eragon sniggered. Arya shot him a Look out of the corner of her eye.

"Then it is my turn," she said calmly. Eragon nodded, and Saphira bobbed her massive blue head. "Saphira, truth or dare?"

_Dare_, replied the dragon.

Arya paused, thinking of something. Eragon leaned over. "Make her admit her feelings to Solembum next time she sees him," he whispered in the elf's ear.

"I dare you to admit your feelings to Solembum when next you see him," she said. Saphira's cheeks coloured, and her tail twitched angrily. Eragon winced when he felt her anger and embarrassment through their bond. Because she was more than a little drunk, her barriers were weaker and some of her emotions spilled over into him, staining his own face pink.

_I'll get you back for that one_, she vowed, _just you wait._

Eragon tried to give her a sheepish smile, which she responded to by sending a jet of fire shooting over him, just a couple of inches from his head.

"Hey!" Eragon exclaimed, ducking and covering his head.

_What?_ Saphira asked innocently.

Eragon rolled his eyes.

_My turn_, she declared. _Eragon? Truth or dare?_

"Dare," he responded automatically, then realized his mistake: Saphira would make him do the worst thing she could think of. "Er, I mean—"

_You mean nothing_, she cut in. _you said dare and so you shall be dared. I dare you to kiss Arya._

The elf in question paled and stared at Saphira. "But did we not just decide that that is unfair?" she sounded quite unsettled.

"Oh, I think could be an exception," Eragon said, leaning toward her. She pushed him forcibly away and shifted seats so one chair separated her from the Rider.

_I would agree with Eragon,_ said Saphira.

"And I would as well," put in Orik, a smirk barely visible through his thick, beer-froth-covered beard.

Arya looked mortified, her eyes darting back and forth between Eragon, Saphira, and the gap separating them, which seemed to grow ever smaller. "But—"

"Go on, go on!" Orik cheered as Eragon slid into the hair beside the rather panicked elf.

Like a deer caught in the headlights, she froze as he slipped an arm around her back, pulling her closer.

**Arya's POV**

Ohno ohno ohno ohno ohno ohno ohno ohno ohno ohno ohno ohno ohno ohno ohno! He cannot be allowed to kiss me! Ohno ohno ohno!

**Eragon's POV**

Yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes! I'm finally gonna get to kiss her! Yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes!

**Normal POV**

Arya felt her eyes slide closed involuntarily, despite her best efforts not to give in, as Eragon's lips brushed against hers. She fell limp, her mind turning to mush, and… gave in.

_SMASH_

The two jerked apart at the sound of a loud crash from the doorway. Actually, it was more of a one-sided thing, the breaking away, as Arya just sort of fell backwards until Eragon caught her.

They looked over toward the noise and saw Queen Islanzadí standing there, white as chalk, and a pile of shattered glass and crumpled flowers at her feet. Her hands were raised like she was still holding the now-broken vase.

Arya's brain, miraculously, began to function again first. "Mother, I—"

"Arya," Islanzadí cut her off. "If he is your choice, then I will—"

"Mother—"

"I'd thought perhaps you hadn't… Fäolin—"

"Faolin is dead," Arya stood up abruptly, suddenly pale. "I've moved on," she said, taking precisely two steps away from the table. Eragon stood up and bowed to the Queen.

"Your Majesty," he began, "I apologize for my behaviour. It was not Arya's choice."

"You forced yourself on her?" she looked appalled and horrified.

"No! no," Eragon clarified hastily. "We were playing a game, that is, Arya, Orik, Saphira and I, and I had to kiss her as part of it."

"What sort of game is this?" she asked.

"It's called Truth or Dare," he said. And after a long, and detailed explanation, the Queen nodded.

She paused, then asked, "May I join you?"

**Evil: wow, I got quite a bit of enthusiasm for this story.**

**Arya: and a good thing, too. If it wasn't popular, I'd kill you for making me kiss him.**

**Eragon: HEY!**

**Evil: heheh. Oh, if you reviewers out there want to ask questions, Arya, Eragon, Saphira, or Orik will be happy to answer them. (No guarantee that they will be according to the book…)**

**Islanzadi: I'll answer them too.**

**Ajihad: me too!**

**Evil: NO! YOU'RE DEAD!**

**Review Responses**

**Aru Feuer: **ooooooh! COOKIES! Yay! I like your name, very cool.

**Geoffrey Bassett: **I'd agree with that, but at the time of writing this, by brain wasn't functioning too well.

**So feel free to ask us questions in your reviews!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Dislaimer: I don't own Eragon.**

**AN: I don't own Jenga. I'm just using it. Oh, and I know you're thinking, 'but they don't have Jenga, it doesn't exist in that universe.' Yeah, yeah. I know. But in MY story, it does. And I'm using it.**

**Besides, it's not exactly high-tech. It COULD have existed. Maybe.**

"No," Arya stated flatly.

"Of course you may," Eragon said quickly, glancing between Arya and her mother.

Arya glared at the Rider, and Islanzadí nodded her thanks.

"Argetlam—" the princess began, but Eragon held up a hand to stop her.

"Don't call me that," he interrupted. "I have a name."

"_Eragon_," she put delicate stress on the word, and lowered her voice so that only he could hear. "I do not think this is a good idea."

"Why ever not?" Eragon asked, pulling her back to the table.

"Because she's the Queen," Arya looked at him imploringly.

"Exactly. She's the Queen, and she wishes to play. Let her."

Arya reluctantly slid into the seat next to Eragon, while Islanzadí, oblivious to the discussion going on about her, sat across from them.

"Shall we begin the game again?" asked Eragon.

"Of course," said Islanzadí. Saphira and Orik nodded, and Arya sat silently to the Rider's left, not moving a muscle. "Oh, but I have something in my quarters that could contribute to it. Shall I have it fetched?"

"What is it?" asked Orik.

"It is another game, called Jenga, I believe," she began to explain. "Except that on each piece, a question is written, or a dare."

"Yes," said Eragon, "please, do. Send someone to bring it."

Arya sighed, seeming a tad on the embarrassed side.

"You there," Islanzadí beckoned to a servant. "Fetch me my Jenga game."

"Yes, Your Majesty," the elf bowed and scurried off. The Queen smiled, proud that she had had something to contribute.

_Whose turn is it?_ Asked Saphira.

"I don't know," said Eragon, fighting to keep his brain under his control, and not the liquor's. so far, he was winning, but one never knows how much more one can take…

"I think it should be mine," said Arya, "Seeing as that dare was _unfair_."

"I agree," put in Orik.

"Your Majesty," piped up the servant, who stood at attention behind Islanzadí, with a long, narrow wooden box in his hands.

Eragon's eyebrows shot up. _Fast service._

_Indeed,_ Saphira commented lazily, licking a bit of froth away from the corner of her mouth.

Islanzadí took the box, thanked the servant and shooed him away, back to the corner where he lurked once again. she tipped it upside down and slid off the lid. There was a soft thud as the pieces within shifted down onto the table.

Pulling the box up and away from the pieces, she revealed a column of wooden blocks. "Arya," she said, with a tiny hint of a devious glint in her eye, "it's your turn."

Carefully, Arya prodded the block at the bottom and in the middle until it slid out. She flipped it over and raised one delicate eyebrow.

"Well?" demanded Orik, "What does it say, then?"

"Blow in someone's ear," she said, a note of amusement creeping into her voice. "There is absolutely no point in that."

"Get on with it," urged Eragon. "I wanna go."

Arya, being seated next to Eragon, leaned over and blew lightly into his ear. He blushed and quickly began to remove a block from the Jenga tower.

He stared at it. "Trade an item of clothing with the person on your left," he read, looking meekly over at Arya.

"Why is it always me?" she moaned, putting her head in her hands.

"There is a bathroom just outside of this hall," said Islanzadí, gesturing at the door. "You may change there."

"_One_ bathroom…" Arya echoed despairingly.

"That's okay," Eragon said brightly.

"No, it's not," she shot back at him.

"Git on with it!" shouted Orik.

Eragon stood up first and extended a chivalrous hand for Arya. She turned up her nose at the proffered limb and stalked away to the exit of the room. She paused at the door and waited for Eragon, not sparing a glance over her shoulder at him.

When he (finally, in her opinion) reached the door, she pushed it open and slid out of the large room, into the empty hallway.

The hallway was long, straight, and seemed to go on forever. A door, about three feet down the wall, suddenly became the finish line of a very short race.

Arya's hand reached the doorknob first, claiming the first prize. She pulled it open halfway before pausing and turning to Eragon. "I'll change in the bathroom," she said, "and I'll hand my dress out to you. You'll give me your tunic, pants, and armour."

He nodded.

"And _don't_ open the door," she said, slipping away into the small room. The wooden door snapped closed crisply behind her, leaving Eragon alone in the hall.

He glanced both ways, making sure that the door to the dining room was firmly shut, and quickly pulled off his shirt.

Just as he had his pants down to his knees, a tall she-elf walked across the hall ahead of him where two corridors crossed. She flicked her gaze down at him, one eyebrow rising. Eragon hastily pulled his pants back up, but by the time he had them on properly again, the elf was gone.

"AH!" a muffled shriek came from the bathroom, startling Eragon. He leaned closer to the door and listened. Thudding sounds of hopping reached his ears, as well as some irritated grunts.

He raised a hand to knock and was about to ask if she was okay, when the door flew open, smacking him in the face. It had only opened a quarter of its potential swing, but as he had been quite close… ouch.

"Oh," said Arya, sticking her head out and staring down at Eragon, who lay on the floor, holding his head, and wearing only his underwear. "Well. Here." She extended an arm from around the door she hid behind, her midnight blue dress held in her hand.

"Urgh…" groaned Eragon, weakly taking her dress and laying it across his lap. He reached behind him and handed her his clothes.

She vanished again behind the door, once again leaving Eragon alone, this time to figure out how to put a dress on.

* * *

Arya, inside the bathroom, examined herself in the mirror. _Am I too fat?_ She wondered vaguely.

Turning away, she untied the strings that wrapped around her middle, absently pacing back and forth. Once she had all three knots undone, she slipped the straps off her shoulders and pulled her right foot out of the dress. As she daintily removed her left, her toe whacked the knee of a statue.

"AH!" she yelped, hopping about on one foot and clutching at her injured toe. She stared up at the culprit statue. _That_ so_ was not there yesterday,_ she thought viciously, glaring at it. The statue, a tall elf standing nude but for a leaf on his groin, stared blankly back with featureless eyes. She shivered and looked away.

Hiding herself out of view behind the door, she pushed it open, dress in hand.

The door collided with something very solid, and there was a thud as whatever it was fell to the floor. She poked her head around the door and saw Eragon lying on the floor, cradling his head.

"Oh," she said, a blush tingeing her cheeks as she saw he was only wearing his underwear. "Well. Here," she awkwardly handed him her dress, and received his clothes in return.

Shutting the door firmly behind her, she quickly pulled on his pants, then shirt. She took a step toward the door, and stopped because the loose pants came tumbling down to her ankles.

Tugging them up again and this time keeping a hand on the waist, she left the room and entered the corridor. She nearly let out a dignified elvish giggle at what she saw.

There stood Eragon, desperately attempting to get into her dress. He turned bright red when he saw her watching.

"Here," she said, sacrificing the hand from the waistline of her pants to help him tug the dress up over his chest. She flushed as her fingers brushed against his skin, pulling on the edges of the dress to get it on properly.

He stood with arms out awkwardly to the sides, trying not to be in the way. After managing to get the majority of his chest covered, she gave up trying to tie up the strings on the back.

"There," she said, hoisting her pants up, and giving a final tug to the bottom hem of his dress. She stood back and smothered a laugh at his appearance.

Eragon's muscular frame stood out at bulky, odd angles in the dress, and places (namely across his broad shoulders) that were normally loose were pulled tight.

"ARE YOU BLOODY FINISHED?" Orik's voice echoed through the door into the hallway.

"Coming," Eragon called back.

The elf and the Rider cast a nervous look at each other, then pushed open the door into the dining room.

**Evil: SORRY SORRY SORRY! I'm so sorry! It took me so long to update! I had homework, and volleyball, and babysitting, and riding lessons, and the list goes on… I'm so sorry…**

**Ajihad: yeah, you should be. You took sooooo long to update, and then you write a SHORT chapter! What is this!**

**Arya: …**

**Evil: WILL YOU BUGGER OFF! YOU'RE BLOODY DEAD!**

**Arya: me?**

**Evil: no. HIM!**

**Eragon: me?**

**Orik: me?**

**Evil: ARGH NO! are you guys dead? No. is that little—grr!—dead? Yes!**

**Arya: well… er… anyway, there were some questions asked. Evil! Start answering reviews! I want to speak with my fans!**

**Review Responses**

**DarkRiku'sGirlfriend: **thank you. I hope you're not lying… sigh. I'm not a very good writer. Islanzadí: I will most certainly—hic—not get drunk—hic—never!

**KiyokoCartoonist: **I'm sorry! I wanted to write, but I had no time! Wah…

**hottietom: **I would make her do that, but the song didn't exist at the time. I _did_ like the idea though. I laughed really hard at the thought of her doing that. Oh god, imagine Islanzadí singing it. Ew… shudder…

**KawaiiSess68: **yeah, we would have a really smelly world. Heehee. I know, I have something wrong with me. I love Arya! She's the best! But you see, for purposes that shall not be revealed here and now, I have to torture her… mwahahaha… !

**Fightingdreamer5: **Ajihad: sob… wah… it feels… WAH… terrible… they all treat me like—like nothing! Wahahaha… it hurts… it hurts my poor, stabbed heart… WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

**Aru Feuer: **COOKIE! Woot! Thank you. You rock. Yes… mwahahaha… it will be very, very iiiinteresting! (evil, deranged look as strokes cookie as though it's the most precious thing in the world) preeeeciousssss…

**SapphireIris: **(blink blink) I'm sorry. I'm not known for my brains. What do you mean, who's passed out in the corner? Huh? (stupid look) oh, and it's probably going to be about ten chapters or so. Maybe fifteen. Depends on how fast I progress with the plot.

**Evil: okay, wow. I got a lot of reviews! Yay. Now, to those of you who don't like the Jenga idea, tell me, and I'll try to compensate. You see, we were playing it in class, and it was so fun, and well… it just sorta went on from there.**

**Oh, and before I post the next chapter, I want _AT LEAST 55 REVIEWS_!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own Eragon, or Jenga: Truth or Dare. That applies for all chapters here after, unless otherwise stated. Jeeze.**

**AN: heheh. I had to up the rating. Decided that something contained herein was a little scarring for small children.**

**Evil: finished!**

**Ajihad: the story!**

**Evil: no, stupid. The chapter. Hey… wait a minute… YOU'RE DEAD! ARGH! DIEDIEDIE! (stabs repeatedly)**

**Ajihad: teehee! Still living, still living! (skips around, bleeding all over the place)**

**Arya: you are _insane._**

**Evil: who? Me?**

**Arya: … both of you.**

**Evil: (pout) I'm not insane…**

**Arya: _sure _you're not…**

Eyebrows shot skyward as the two entered the dining room. Arya flushed and hoisted her pants again, making sure to do it in the most elegant and dignified way possible.

"I am used to seeing you in men's clothes, daughter," remarked Islanzadí, "but I never expected to see you, Eragon, in a dress."

Eragon said nothing.

_I like your new look, _Sahira commented dryly. _Perhaps you should wear it more often._

_I do _not_ have dresses,_ Eragon snapped.

_I'm sure Arya would be more than happy to lend you some._

Eragon flushed, sneaking a glance over at Arya to see if she had picked up on any of the somewhat embarrassing conversation. To his relief, she gave no sign that she had.

They sat down in their seats at the table, Eragon's dress stretching noisily as he bent. Saphira snorted with laughter, and Arya looked vaguely concerned, fearing for the life of her dress.

_My turn,_ said Saphira, reaching up with a paw to poke at a piece of the tower with one claw. It wobbled dangerously, and there was a general intake of breath. She paused, waiting for it settle down. It settled back into its original positional to a mutual release of pent-up air.

Pulling the tile out and bringing it over to look at, she declared, _Stand on a chair, and sing, it says. _She sounded amused. I'm _supposed to stand on a chair. Somehow, I just don't think that's going to work._

"Just do it," prompted Islanzadí.

Saphira, dutiful to a fault, pulled a chair away from the table and tentatively rested a foot on top of it. It creaked ominously, but held together. She put another foot up, nearly covering it.

_I'm not going to fit on this thing_, she commented. Tucking her hind legs onto the chair in a hop, she perched for a brief moment squished onto the tiny elvish chair.

_CRACK_

Saphira came crashing to the ground, and the chair was no more.

Everyone burst out laughing, or in some cases (namely Arya) just stifled a giggle or two. Saphira looked miffed, and opened her mouth, taking a deep breath. A deep growling noise uttered from her throat, and the elves in the room all winced, fearing for their hearing. In everyone's head, Saphira's thoughts sung in a much better voice than was issuing from her throat.

_Mary had a little feldunst, little feldunst, little feldunst. Mary had a little feldunst, its fleece was white as snow. _She paused, finished, then added, _And I ate it._

Eragon grinned, removing his hands from his ears. _Nice song._

He glanced over at Orik, who seemed saddened. "What's wrong?" the Rider asked. Orik looked up.

"I like feldunst," he said mournfully, his chin trembling. Or at least, Eragon thought it was. He wasn't sure, for Orik's voluminous beard had a tendency to cover much of his facial expression. Eragon smothered a laugh at the thought of an Orik stroking a baby feldunst adoringly.

"It's your turn," he clapped the dwarf of the shoulder in a manly sort of way. Orik nodded and pulled a central piece from the tower.

He looked at it and blushed, in a way. Dark grey spread over his cheeks, possibly due to the dirty condition of his skin, or maybe just because dwarves blush black.

"What does it say?" asked Arya, feigning indifference.

Islanzadí peered over Orik's shoulder and grimaced. "It's a truth," she declared. "Have you ever been skinny-dipping?'"

"Yes," he muttered, staring determinedly at the table in front of him. Eragon shuddered. _My eyes… _he moaned to Saphira, _they burn…_

"My turn," Islanzadí wasted no time in removing a block and reading it over. "What's the most terrifying thing that's ever happened to you? Hm… I once walked in on Orik skinny-dipping… yes, I think that's it."

Orik pretended he hadn't heard what the Queen had said, but a hurt look crossed his face.

"Right. Well, moving on…" Eragon shuddered internally, sympathizing with Islanzadí. "It's Arya's turn now."

"Oh great," Arya muttered sarcastically. Cautiously, she removed a tile from near the top and brought it down to look at. _Sit on the lap of the person to your right, until your next turn. _She closed her eyes briefly, her lips silently forming elvish swear words. Without offering an explanation, she moved over and plunked herself down on Eragon's lap, wincing as her pants nearly fell down again.

Eragon blinked in surprise and lost his balance on the backless chair, slipping backwards and grabbing at the table to stop his fall. He missed the table and, by reflex alone, ended up catching a hold of Arya's—ahem—_upper body_.

He landed hard on the floor, with a shocked Arya lying on top of him. It took her a moment to realize what position she was in, and just _where_ Eragon's hands where, but when she did, the crisp sound of a slap resounded throughout the room. She clambered off him, moving so fast it would seem that she'd been stung, and stood a safe distance away, arms wrapped defensively around her chest.

Laughter echoed through the hall.

"Um, Arya?" Eragon said tentatively, sitting up and rubbing his back. "Your, er, your pants… they're um…"

Arya stared at him for a second longer, before looking down at her pants… or lack thereof. Her pants had been left behind when she had scrambled away from him, leaving her standing in only a shirt—which was thankfully far too big for her—long legs exposed for all the world to see. She turned deep red, a look of utter mortification on her face.

She scurried over to her pants and quickly pulled them back on, keeping her head ducked. She was biting her lip and blinking back hot, angry tears as she sat back down on Eragon's lap, silently handing him her tile. He read it quickly and nodded his understanding.

"Look, Arya," he began, "I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to—"

Arya shook her head, cutting off his apology.

"Wha—what did it say?" gasped Islanzadí, panting and wheezing from laughing so hard.

"I have to sit on his lap until my next turn," Arya said, her voice a barely audible, angry whisper. This sent Islanzadí into another fit of laughter. Arya glowered at her.

* * *

Eragon wasn't sure what to do with his hands. Should he put them around Arya, as was most natural? No, she'd be angry with him if he tried that. Should he try to rest them on the table? No, that would look stupid. Should he just let them dangle by his sides?

He was spared the difficulty of deciding as Saphira told him, _It's your turn, Eragon._

Looking over Arya's shoulder so he could see, he pushed a piece out and brought it closer so he could read it.

"I have to tickle someone," he declared. Arya paled, _Oh no,_ she thought,_ it's going to be me again._ Eragon hesitated. He couldn't really move, seeing as Arya was sitting on him, but could he tickle her? After what he'd done already?

After a moment, he decided he didn't really have a choice. Taking a deep breath and muttering a quick prayer, he squeezed Arya's sides. She yipped and squirmed, trying to get away from his hands. He grinned and tickled her more, enjoying seeing her shriek with laughter, such a rare occurrence.

"S-stop!" she choked out, bending and twisting out of the way of his hands. After one more second, he stopped and grinned innocently at her.

_Hey lovebirds!_ Saphira snarled._ It's my turn!_

Arya reluctantly shifted back into her original position on Eragon's lap and watched Saphira remove her piece.

_Spin around twenty times fast,_ she read. _Okay. _She moved away from the table and started rotating herself. Her feet made loud pounding sounds on the floor, and as she got dizzier and dizzier, she stumbled more and more often, until she ended up falling to the floor, her massive bulk crashing down with a deafening thud. _Ugh…_ she moaned, not making any move to get up. _I think I might just go to sleep…_

The four bipeds sitting around the table exchanged amused glances.

"Go Orik," said Eragon. The dwarf prince pulled a tile out.

"Imitate a belly-dancer," he read. Islanzadí looked horrified, most likely remembering him naked.

"I can't watch," Eragon whispered in Arya's ear, making her twitch with surprise. She nodded.

Orik pulled his shirt up and made his large stomach undulate, like a wave. He twisted his hips around, and to Eragon's everlasting horror, did a couple of hip-thrusts.

"Oh god," the Rider murmured, hiding his head behind Arya's back. The elf exhaled deeply, looking away.

"Is it over?" she asked after a moment.

"Yes," said Islanzadí. Arya and Eragon looked up, Eragon poking his head out and above Arya's shoulder. There was a pause where everyone, whether they wanted to or not, considered what they had just seen. Arya stiffened as Eragon finally made up his mind of where to put his arms. They wrapped gently around her waist, pulling her lightly back toward him. She pushed against them for a moment, then just decided it was pointless, and let herself relax back against his chest. Besides, she'd be getting off him next turn and sitting by herself again anyway.

Eragon was startled that she'd actually laid back against him. He had expected that she'd stiffen and stay where she was, if not go further away and perhaps slap him, thinking he'd been about to do something perverted again. (even if he had done that by accident…)

But hey! If she wanted to, then that was fine by him.

Across the table, Islanzadí sighed, watching the couple. _That's so sweet, _she thought, smiling. _I remember when I was like that…_

She reached over and pulled out a block. She read it, and then said out loud, "What's the most fun I've had in a wagon?" she smirked at Arya, who looked horrified, then her face went dreamy looking. She sighed and said, "Conceiving Arya."

"Mother!" Arya yelped, and sat bolt upright.

"What?" Islanzadí said innocently.

"_This _is why I told you not to let her play!" Arya hissed, falling back onto Eragon with an annoyed sigh. "She's _insane_!"

Eragon, who was smothering a laugh at the Queen's response, quickly fixed his face into a disapproving frown and nodded. "I see," he said.

"Your turn, Arya," said Islanzadí.

Arya reached forward and took a tile with a little difficulty. The tower was getting more and more wobbly, making it harder and harder to get a piece. She read it, completely forgetting about being allowed to get off Eragon, and blushed bright pink. "Why is it always, always me?" she groaned, holding up the piece for Eragon to see.

"Rub noses with the person on your right," he read aloud. "Fine by me."

"Of course it is, pervert," Arya snapped, twisting around to look at him. She glared at him a second more, before leaning in and… realizing she was still on his lap and could now get off. She quickly pulled back and returned to her own chair.

Glaring at him again for not reminding her to move, she leaned forward and briefly touch her nose to his. Swiftly, she moved away, and gestured for him to go take a block. He did, and paused when he read it, looking anxiously over at Arya. "Er… maybe you'd better read it," he said, handing it to her. _Kiss the person on your left._ She looked extremely annoyed and stared icily at him. He gave her a sheepish smile. "Well, it's not like _I _picked it…"

"Just get it over with," she snapped, bringing his head down and planting a firm kiss on his lips. He looked surprised, and as she withdrew, he murmured, smirking, "But you see, you just kissed me. _I _have to kiss _you._"

"Barzûl," swore Arya. _I knew I shouldn't have done that._

Eragon looked elated as he pulled her toward him. _This is the third time I get to kiss her. I _like _this game._

As their lips met, almost all coherent thought left Arya's brain. Several things flew through her head as she kissed him back, none of which involving the word 'stop'.

**Arya: EW! Ewewewew! I can't believe you made me do that!**

**Eragon: c'mere, sweetheart. (kisses her again)**

**Arya: mmmf! Mmgm! (shoves him off) LEMME GO!**

**Eragon: oh no, honey, you're all mine now… (grabs her and kisses)**

**Evil: I'll just… leave you two to it, then… heheh… (turns and runs)**

**Review Responses:**

**Master Oromis11101: **_I'm _not insane… no, not me… _he_ is though. (points at Ajihad's dead body) Ajihad: (raises head) I'M NOT DEAD! Evil: sure you're not. You didn't get stabbed like eight billion times. No, not you. Ookay. Hopefully the belly dancer was embarrassing enough, and even if it's not, there's more coming in later chapters… mwahahahahaha!

**KiyokoCartoonist: **heheh, well, you critics aren't that bad. Besides, you're all my muses! Woot! Hey wait a second… I don't even know what muse means… I just heard it in a movie this morning… heheh… my bad. Well, thank you.

**noname: **thank you thank you. I do try.

**Katmiester: **I do racing! (not) I wish I did though… sigh. I'm not very good. I ride English, and it's just for fun. You do dressage? Lucky. And thanks.

**DarkRiku'sGirlfriend: **sorry. I guess I wasn't clear enough on that bit. He got it from Arya, and the changing part was from his point of view. Then I wrote it again, except it's from Arya's POV. If that makes any sense… heheh…

**hottietom: **okay, I'll see if I can put that in. once Saphira wakes up, that is.

**Evangeline Snow: **never! Er, I mean, sure I'll add your ideas, but not quite yet. But I'll NEVER stop annoying you, cause now you have to review again! Mwahahahaha!

**Geoffrey Bassett: **I won't rub it in.

**Aru Feuer: **OMG COOKIES! (shoves like twenty into mouth all at once) yum… (swallows) thank you. I loooove cookies. (hint hint)

**Lord Coake: **yes, I can see how that could be amusing. The only version I've ever played of this game was in school (yes, in Jr. High school… heheh, no drinking was involved). Omg I can so imagine Arya being like, '(hic) hey Eragon… wanna go have some _fun_?' can't you?

**SaphireIris: **thank you. I won't step on you, don't worry.


	5. Chapter 5

**Yes, yes, long wait. Truthfully, I just put off writing this for so long… I guess I had a serious case of writer's block. And because of that, combined with the sort of depression I'd fallen into, this might not be very funny. Sigh.**

**I am looking for a beta for this story, so… if any of you are interested, please tell me in a review!**

Islanzadí, sitting across the table from the kissing pair, winced. _My daughter! What has she gotten herself into this time! _The Queen considered Eragon, who was still in Arya's dress. _Nothing good, I think._

_Arya, would you like to come in? Arya, will you dine with me? _Various 'romantic' scenarios flashed through Eragon's mind as he kissed her. _Arya, will you bear my child?_

Arya broke away from him suddenly. "I heard that," she snapped, blushing.

Eragon grinned. "Well? Will you?"

Years of gruelling training kept Arya from rolling her eyes. "No," she said flatly.

A giggle from across the room jerked the two back to reality. Arya's dark eyes darted over to Islanzadí.

"Mother?" she asked slowly. "Did you just… giggle?"

The Queen beamed at her daughter, taking a sip of the elvish wine that seemed to have just appeared there. A look of absolute repulsion crossed Arya's face.

"You're drunk," she sighed.

"I'm not drunk," Islanzadí protested, though she wavered in her seat ever so slightly. Arya looked away, a worried frown on her face.

_What is it?_ Eragon asked.

_Last time Mother got drunk…_ Arya looked down, shamefaced. _I almost got a younger sibling._

Eragon choked on the sip of beer he'd been drinking. A drip or two trickled out his nose as he snorted with laughter. The elf sighed, bowing her head and rubbing the bridge of her nose tiredly in exasperation.

"Anyway," Orik's rough voice startled everyone and brought them back to reality. "Who's turn is it?"

_Mine! _Saphira shouted gleefully. Everyone nodded, looked vaguely concerned for their health. The great blue dragon cautiously poked out a block, and then held it up to read it.

_Which player has the worst haircut? _She looked around, surveying them all. Her eyes lingered on both Islanzadí and Eragon. To herself, she thought, _The Queen should get a new one. That is _so_ yesterday._ She took another look at Eragon. _But then again…_

"Well?" demanded Orik. "Who has the worst haircut?"

_Eragon,_ Saphira declared. Said Rider glowered, folding his arms across his chest and pouting like a small child. Arya poked him playfully in the arm, receiving an ill-tempered growl in response. She quickly retracted her hand, narrowly avoiding his teeth as they snapped at empty air.

"You have _issues_," she informed him in a whisper. He snarled at her, and she shifted her chair away.

"Be glad you're not still sitting on his lap, lassie," Orik commented good-naturedly. Arya shuddered.

"My turn," Isalnzadí proclaimed, drawing a block from the tower a little too quickly. It waved back and forth, then collapsed in a loud shower of wooden bricks. The Queen sighed. "Does that mean I lose?"

"How would I know?" Arya sniffed, "It's not _my _game."

"Well, I refuse to lose!" Islanzadí declared. "Let's play again!"

There was a general rumble of approval, which was interrupted by a polite knock at the door. All heads turned to see a tall, silver-haired elf standing with his hand raised.

"My queen," he said, twisting his hand over his sternum and bowing, "if I may request an audience with you?"

"Oh, Oromis," Islanzadí sighed, "not now. Come, play with us!"

"Er…" he looked vaguely uncomfortable. "But Your Majesty…"

"I insist. Now come, sit!"

He hesitantly took the seat next to his Queen, eyeing everyone around the table warily. Islanzadí immediately smiled 'enticingly' at him and leaned onto his shoulder. He froze, eyes wide in terror.

Several laughs from across the table were choked into fits of coughing, doing little to ease Oromis' mortification. Eragon shook so violently with laughter, he fell off his chair. Picking himself off the floor, he muttered, "I may have… overreacted a little…" and sat back down, not meeting anyone's eyes.

The Queen continued to rest on Oromis, her eyes closed and a big, sleepy smile on her face.

"She doesn't hold her drink too well, eh?" Orik laughed. Arya hastily shook her head.

Poor Oromis, still trapped beneath his beloved Majesty's arms, dared not move.

"Oy!" Eragon prompted. "Master! It's your turn!"

"My… turn?" he asked faintly.

"Oh, never mind," Orik said cheerily. "I'll go instead." He removed a block from the newly constructed tower and grinned broadly. "Y'all looking forward to a nice show?"

"…Orik?" Eragon asked, suddenly worried. "What—what does it say?"

"It says that you're all gonna get a real pretty view real soon!"

Saphira made the connection first. She flushed violet and snorted with laughter. A second later, Arya understood and reacted accordingly, leaving Eragon reeling and confused. "Huh?" he asked, comically scratching his head.

Arya patted him on the shoulder with a pitying nod and a smile for his inferior intelligence and whispered, "He has to 'moon' us."

Eragon shuddered and muttered, "Hide me."

"Hide _me!_" she shot back, hopping off her chair and ducking behind him. She took the moment to examine his perfectly sculpted muscular back, and had some difficulty not swooning. She extended a long, narrow finger and poked him. He twitched, freezing in his odd pose as the others laughed at him, then putting his arms out to the side and taking a bow of sorts.

When he came back up, Orik had no pants on.

Islanzadí screamed, then giggled loudly and made a fairth of the scene. Oromis looked away and covered his ears. Saphira hissed, her tail moving spasmodically on the floor. Eragon fainted and fell off his chair, landing on and effectively squishing Arya, who yelped as her back hit the ground.

As the others quaked in fear, she squirmed, trying to get Eragon's heavy body off hers. Although having him lying on top of her was a fantasy she'd entertained for a while, this was _not_ what she'd had in mind. Besides, he was facing upwards, not down at her.

With a final push, she shoved him off and stood up, giving him a kick in the side for good measure. As she turned around to sit down properly, was greeted with a terrible sight no young woman should ever have to see. Worse than the bloody bodies of fellow soldiers, worse than seeing a lover holding someone else, she saw… Orik's rear.

Poor girl.

Her dark green eyes widened immensely, and then she toppled backwards and landed on Eragon (who was thankfully softer than the stone floor), out cold.

Orik, pulling up his breeches, turned around to see one very pale face, one who was giggling insanely and holding up a new fairth, and one who had her huge blue head hidden under her paws. The other two were nowhere to be seen.

He blinked, picking a bit of old food from his beard. "Am I that attractive?"

**Right. Short. Yes. I know.**

**As for review responses… erm… maybe I'll just leave them out from now on.**

**Ajihad: Why not do a general resonse?**

**Evil: good idea. Hey wait… (attacks) YOU'RE DEAD, DAMMIT! ARGH! KILL!**

**But seriously, THANKS GUYS! You make this story possible! (sniffs and begins to cry) Thank you…**


	6. Chapter 6

**Evil: brief and non-descriptive nudity warning for this chapter.**

**Arya: I have a _really_ bad feeling about this…**

**Evil: (evil grin) nothing to fear, Arya dear, nothing at all… **

A few moments later, Eragon came to with a mouth full of dark, silky hair. He paused to ponder this. _Now, _he thought, _I don't have long enough hair to reach all the way around to my mouth, and my hair certainly isn't as soft as this. So then, who's hair is this? Hm…_

_That is truly a question that has been plaguing scholars for millennia, _said a sarcastic voice in his head. Arya! _Now get my hair out of your mouth, and I'll be getting off you._

"Oh," said Eragon, exhaling sharply to do as she asked. "Uh, sorry."

She sighed and clambered up and into her chair. "You're hopeless," she told him as he sat down beside her.

"I know," he said cheerily, flinging an arm about her shoulders and pulling her towards him. "But you love me anyway."

The 'small' amount of liquor she'd ingested had taken its affect: she rolled her eyes and let herself melt against him. "Love you?" she said, smiling. "Hm… perhaps I would not go so far. After all, how could one such as I fall in love with one as ugly as you?"

He laughed. "Oh, Arya," he said, feigning hurt. "How you wound me."

"I know," she smiled, her dark forest eyes twinkling angelically.

"Oromis' turn!" the queen shrieked, flinging her arm around said elf.

"Yes…" he said, his eyes darting back and forth nervously, "Your Majesty."

"Mother?" Arya said slowly, "Have you not noticed? The tower has fallen."

"I beg your pardon?" Islanzadí shrieked, staring in horror at the pile of wooden blocks where she could have _sworn_ the tower just was. "Aiiya! Where's it gone? Who's stolen it? I'VE BEEN ROBBED!"

"My Queen," Oromis put in carefully, "it is right there."

"Tis not!" she stood up angrily. "Tis gone! Somebody's made off with it!"

"Right…" Arya nodded, glancing warily at her mother. "She's gone mad," she muttered, though apparently not quietly enough to slip past the queen's ears.

"Mad?" she thundered, then paused and giggled. "I talk loud… but yes. As I was saying." She coughed delicately. "Mad? Me? _You're _the one who requested a thong for her birthday!" she pointed an accusing finger at her daughter, whose mouth dropped open.

"MOTHER!" she yelled, jumping to her feet and lunging across the table, fingers tensed to scratch whatever came her way. Her face, Eragon saw, was nearly as red as it had been when she'd lost her pants. She continued to flail madly at thin air while Islanzadí danced gleefully, out of reach. Eragon moved to drag her back into her spot before she made any more kafuffle, but stopped short as the dress he was wearing tore. He froze, as did Arya, who seemed to have heard the noise. She turned slowly around, her eyes never leaving his.

"Was that… my dress?" she asked, her voice deadly low. Eragon nodded meekly, biting his lip and fearing for his life. Orik, grabbing Oromis and pulling him along, hid behind Saphira, who was lying on her back, sound asleep. Islanzadí hurried to join them when she figured Arya was no longer paying any attention to her. "This is going to get ugly," she giggled.

"You shall pay!" Arya growled, clambering off the table and standing directly in front of Eragon. She put both hands around his neck and squeezed, but before she fully strangled him, something in her face seemed to change. Her face spread into a goofy smile and she slapped a big wet kiss on his lips, then promptly passed out.

There was a long silence, interrupted only be Saphira's heavy breathing. Eragon laughed nervously, prodding the motionless Arya draped across his lap. "Er, Arya?"

She snored loudly.

A loud laugh pierced the quiet. "It's time to PARTY!" yelled Islanzadí, jumping up from behind Saphira and beginning to dance to music only she could hear. Just to see what would happen, Oromis cautiously poked her leg, which happened to be right in front of his nose. She immediately crumpled into a giggling heap on top of him

"_Not_ what I was expecting," he muttered, blowing a strand of her hair away from his face. Orik laughed and stood up.

"Well, Eragon my lad," he said jovially, clapping the Rider on the shoulder, "Looks like it's just you and me."

Eragon blinked, still staring at Arya. "Do you suppose she's alright?" he asked.

Orik laughed uproariously. "Of course she is! She's just drunk!"

"Just?" Eragon echoed faintly. He was rather missing his own clothes, especially now that the dress he was wearing had a large rip in its backside. He looked at Arya pensively. "Think it'd be okay if I were to get my own clothes back? I mean, she _is _unconscious… she wouldn't have to know that _I_ was the one who took them back. I mean, for all she knows, it could've been her mother… right?"

"Ah…" Orik thumped him on the back again. "I see right through you, boy. You want to see her naked!"

"No!" Eragon said quickly, then blushed. "Well, actually… I've already seen her naked…"

"You have?" Orik sounded incredulous. "And when was this?"

"Tis a long story," he began, and Orik sat down to listen. When he'd finished, the dwarf was laughing again.

"You are how old?" he chuckled, "17? And already you have seen a woman naked. My… I was nearly forty before I first saw that lovely, hairy sight!"

Eragon winced at the mention of hairy. "Er, I'll go and get my clothes back. I shall return in a moment."

Orik nodded, looking vaguely disappointed. _Alas, _he thought, _no nude elves for me tonight._

Eragon carried Arya to the bathroom where she'd changed before, and hesitated before he reclaimed his garments. How to go about it…? He had honourable intentions, he really did. But… after all, she had feelings for him, did she not? Surely, she would not mind if…? Taking a deep, decisive breath, he unbuttoned her shirt, doing his best not to look. He really did have honourable _intentions_.

Intentions often don't tend to be followed.

He took an eyeful as he carefully removed her shirt, his cheeks flaming at the thought of what this would look like if anyone where to walk in right then and there. He glanced around the room pointlessly, and nearly jumped out of his skin at the sight of the nude elf.

"Ah!" he yelled, scrambling away. Arya slipped onto the floor, the cold tiles meeting her back. She stirred, and Eragon watched helplessly as her eyes opened. _This is going to be really hard to explain._

She took a moment to process the fact that she was shirtless in the bathroom, and that Eragon was holding her shirt.

He expected her to scream, or to slap him, or at least do _something._ But she just sat there, staring quizzically. Perhaps she was still drunk.

She giggled, blushing profusely as she looked down at her bare chest. "Whoopsies," she said shyly. "Looks like I lost my shirt."

Eragon stared at her, then held out said article of clothing. She looked at him, then at the shirt, then back at him. She took it, slipping it easily over her head, then crawled toward him. She put one hand on the side of his face, smiling faintly.

"You're drunk," he stated. The smile that had been playing about her lips grew.

"No," she whispered, her voice back to its usual calm, quiet tone. "I'm not." And then she kissed him full on the mouth.

**Arya: I was right. You do hate me. The world hates me!**

**Evil: um, sure, whatever you say. I know you actually like him.**

**Arya: I do not. Whatever could make you say such a thing?**

**Evil: well, maybe the fact that you're still kissing him?**

**Arya: but that's in the story! You're making me do it.**

**Evil: well, you could kill me. After all, I'm sorta in the story, too. Therefore, you could kill me. Of course, I could bring myself back to life, but that's not the point. The point is, you could stop yourself from kissing him if you really wanted to. But you're not.**

**Arya: … phooey. I've been exposed.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Evil: Terribly sorry, beloved readers. I have just gotten back from spending several weeks in Hawaii and will be leaving for my cottage relatively soon.**

**Saphira: You went to Hawaii and didn't even take us with you?**

**Eragon: How rude. Didn't you know I wanted to get a nice tan to impress _someone_!**

**Arya: Surely he is not speaking of me... (looks away) There is absolutely nothing going on between us, no, no definitely not.**

**Eragon: (sob) Arya! I thought you loved me!**

**Evil: You two sort it out. My point is--_was, _before somebody interrupted--that I won't be able to write another chapter before the end of August. I know. That's a long time. However, do not despair too much. I have written a very short, even for me, chapter.**

**Ajihad: We feel so neglected.**

**Evil: Of course you do! YOU'RE DEAD! YOU'RE NOT EVEN IN THE BLOODY STORY!**

Orik drummed his fingers on the table. Oromis, sitting beside him, was silent as the grave and _not_ providing ample entertainment. The dwarf lord glanced at his companion.

"How about you do a dance?" he inquired innocently. Oromis stared at him. "You know, just a little twirl around the room. Nothing fancy."

"I do not dance," he stated, flatly.

Orik sighed. He just _had_ to make this difficult… "Then I dare you to dance."

"You dare me?" Oromis raised an eyebrow. "Why would that increase my inclination to dance?"

"Well…" Orik grinned. "I double-dare you with freezing goat's milk and a cherry on top to do one of those nice, hip-swingy dances you elves do."

"Elves do not do 'hip-swingy' dances," Oromis pronounced daintily.

"Yes, you do!" Orik insisted. "I saw you."

"Me." Oromis echoed. "You saw me doing a 'hip-swingy' dance."

"No, not you specifically," Orik said snappishly. "I saw this pretty elf lady and her… husband, I guess, doing a hip-swingy dance. So you must know how, if they know. Do it."

"No," Oromis said simply.

"Come now," Orik pleaded, determined. "I'm sure you really want to."

Islanzadí, in all her perfect timing, chose this moment to awaken from her stupor of sorts on the nearby floor. "Yes, Oromis. Do a hip-swingy dance for us." She smiled mischievously. "That's an order."

Poor, cornered Oromis stuttered a response. "Yes, Your Majesty… if you wish it."

Squeezing his eyes closed, the old elf got to his feet and did as he was bidden, putting his arms above his head and swinging his hips back and forth. Orik burst into uproarious laughter and Islanzadí accompanied Oromis on the makeshift dance floor, swaying in time with him.

Sahpira lumbered over to stomp and sling her tail along with the two elves, and after a moment, Orik gathered the little courage he needed and joined them.

A servant, so innocently and unknowingly returning to refill the wine glasses, fainted by the door.


	8. Chapter 8

**Big thank you to my beta, Elfluver13, who, even when my computer failed at receiving the edited version of this, offered to reedit it and send it again. Check out her story! It's more popular than this one, and I can personally testify to its being absolutely excellent!**

**Evil: AAAAAAAALRIGHTY! I'm baaaack! (dances) Sorry to be away for so long! Forgive me?**

**Arya: oh dear god. And I thought I was free.**

**Eragon: (whispers in Evil's ear)**

**Evil: (blushes and giggles maniacally, glancing at Arya evilly) that's a lovely idea!**

**Arya: Stay back, evil-doers!**

**Ajihad: I'll save you, fair maiden!**

**Evil: ARG!! ATTACK THE WALKING DEADMAN, ME HEARTIES! (pauses) is that how you spell that? Hm…**

**Islanzadí: (who has just recently seen Pirates of the Caribbean 2) Gr. I'm being completely ignored here. Ohoho, I have an idea!**

**Oh, the heat! (faints)**

**Oromis: My Queen!**

**Chapter 8!**

Arya tasted like sugar and spiced ale, Eragon decided, a pleasing mix of flavours. He knew she was very drunk, and that to take advantage of her like this would be dishonourable—not to mention the fact that she'd hate him from here to Galbatorix's palace when she emerged from the stupor. He pulled back from her kiss, putting his hands on her shoulders to stop her as she leaned in again.

Her eyes opened, two dark emeralds regarding him curiously.

"You _are_ drunk," he stated, not for the first time in that bathroom.

"And we're making out in front of a naked elf statue," she said, grinning lopsidedly. "Besides, you're drunk, too." She prodded his cheek accusingly, "How come you don't act like it?"

"Because I'm a Rider and I hold my liquor better than you," he replied, gently shifting her off him. The truth was, he was pleasantly tipsy, his head felt lighter than normal, but his link with Saphira seemed to be draining off the more noticeable affects of the alcohol, so that he was feeling more capable of sensible decisions than he was earlier in the evening. "Also, I'm a man." She frowned, drawing back and regarding him suspiciously.

"Wazzat got to do with anything?" she slurred accusingly.

"Men hold their alcohol better than women," he said haughtily. _Oh no, Eragon. _Bad_ idea… she's going to kill you!_ "It's a known fact." _And you were just thinking you could make sensible decisions?_

Arya seemed to process this, albeit very slowly, and eventually came to the conclusion that it was an insult. Her eyes narrowed, or perhaps her eyelids just drooped with sleepiness. "Are you ins—ins-insslutting me?"

"Beg pardon?" he laughed at her mispronunciation. "You prove my point: men are definitely better at holding their alcohol than women." _Yep, you're a dead man.

* * *

_

In the other room, things were… disturbing. Oromis, who still had not received Islanzadí's permission to stop dancing, continued, his eyes shut tight and his face red. _This is… the most humiliating thing I have ever experienced…_ he muttered internally. Islanzadí's voice broke through his thoughts, and his heart soared with hope. _Oh please… let me stop dancing!_

"Oromis, come here," she ordered, beckoning. Telling himself that this order cancelled out the previous one, he stepped closer to her. To his horror, she settled her hands on his hips and curled her lips into a seductive smile. "Dance with me."

"Your Majesty," Oromis stuttered, "I'm not sure this is entirely appropri—" she placed a finger on his mouth to shush him. He froze.

"Dance," she said when he did not move.

"There is no music," he protested desperately. _This is completely inappropriate. I must stop her._

"Dance," she repeated firmly. "It's an order."

Oromis, ever faithful, shut his eyes and obeyed. Ergo, he had no chance to stop her when she stretched up to press her lips to his, her arms slung low about his hips.

Orik ignored them and kept dancing with Saphira's paw, sloshing a pint of beer in his free hand.

* * *

"Ooh," Arya groaned, putting a hand to her temple. "Ery, my'ed hurts."

"That would be because you've had far too much to drink," Eragon informed her. _Did she just call me Ery?_ He grinned, but chose to overlook it and instead be more of a proper, honourable gentleman. "Come on, you need to get to bed." Gently, he slipped his arm under hers and pulled her to her feet, where she swayed unsteadily, still holding her head.

"'m sleepy…" she murmured. _Is this how all Elves are when they're drunk? _Eragon wondered.

"Can you walk?" he asked. She giggled.

"Woke?" she questioned, "I'm woke already—wish I wasn't, though. You're a bunny, Ery." She giggled again, then slumped over and lost consciousness. He sighed, not even trying to decode her last sentence, scooped her up, and left the washroom.

He poked his head into the dining hall, intending to tell the Queen that he would take Arya to her room, but when he caught sight of her, he decided that she was occupied and not to be disturbed. No matter, she would probably figure it out, he surmised.

He turned away and started up the hallway, but paused as he reached a split, realizing he had no idea where her room was. Two options presented themselves: one, to wander around until he found a servant and ask them, or two, to take her to his house. The first one was more prudent, but also more embarrassing—as he was still in Arya's torn dress—and it could raise many questions about just _why_ he was wearing said ruined garment and carrying their unconscious princess. He chose the latter option, and set off.

Upon arriving in his temporary home, he carefully set her down on a chair as he pulled the covers on his bed back. Then, cautiously, he lifted her from there to the waiting bed and tugged the sheets up to her chin. She stirred, opened her eyes briefly, smiled drowsily, and then fell back to sleep.

Eragon went to his closet and found himself a sleeping tunic, changed, and sank down onto the chair where Arya had just sat. He'd never been particularly good at sleeping sitting, and he gazed longingly at his bed. _No. She'll _kill_ you,_ he told himself firmly. He sighed and closed his eyes, willing himself to sleep.

A moment later, his internal voices started up again. _It'll be alright if you stay on one side. It's a big bed. _It was true. It _was_ a big bed. _No! She will kill you when she wakes up!_

**_SILENCE!_ **he yelled at his bickering thoughts, but it was to no avail. They jabbered on incessantly, until he couldn't stand it, let alone fall asleep. _Okay! _He conceded, _I'm going! I'll sleep in the bed if it will shut you up!_

Early the next morning, all of Ellesmera was awoken _very _rudely by an angry roar of a single word: "_ERAGON!_"

**And that's the end. Farewell my dearests! Please forgive me for being a terd and not updating for so long!**

**This chapter was written to the awesomeness of the song Opblaaskrokodil. I have no clue who it's by, but if you Google it, I'm sure you'll be able to find it. I mean, seriously. How many songs can there be called "opblaaskrokodil"? Anyway, it's a great song. I recommend listening to it.**

**I was also listening to the opening from the anime Onegai Teacher. It's called Shooting Star, and it's a great song too.**

**Review Responses (I know, I'm always so bad about doing these, but being as I've been a VERY bad girl and haven't updated since last year, I figured I owe you guys):**

**Randomguywalking: **thank you, and I apologize for being slow and stupid. This last chapter wasn't even funny…

**Silvershadowkittie: **thanks so much! I fear this chapter wasn't very good… I'm sorry.

**Alsdssg: **Hawaii was awesome. I had a really good time, but I got bad sunburn from when we went on a Zodiac (boat) tour of the Na Pali coast… Have you ever been?

**Coffee Grounds: **thanks! I did have fun in Hawaii, and I saw several (five, I think) sea turtles while I was snorkelling. Peanut butter is awesome!!! I love peanut butter. Did you know there's a phobia of peanut butter sticking to the roof of one's mouth? I think it's called **arachibutyrophobia.**

**Lalenna: **did I post this chapter twice? (confused) It's been so long I've forgotten… I'm such a bad person… thank you for the warning, too. I think I did post this twice, and the first time it _was_ just an AN… hm. I'm so confused! I've had my account deleted before, and the offence I 'committed' wasn't even true! They said I had used my story as a chat thing, but I didn't! It was just a song fic…

**Megan Argetlam: **I honestly can't really remember. I think so, but it's been so long. I think the first chapter seven was just an AN, then I decided (thanks to Lalenna's warning) to write a little chappie to go with it. I love Carcaptor Sakura! I've only seen a few episodes but it's so good!! You should watch Onegai Teacher. It's really, really funny, and it's only twelve episodes long. All the episodes are available on YouTube.

**Kaiser Aldamon: **I most definitely forgive you for the lack of ideas, in fact, I should be the one begging for your forgiveness! I'm such a horrible person… (cries) I didn't update for five months!

**Crazed Up Chick: **thanks, and I'm sorry for not updating... (goes into corner and cries)

**mOOnlite-dUSk: **thanks! I did have fun in Hawaii! I saw sea turtles while I was snorkelling. Ugh… I hated snorkelling in the shallow water, though. I'm dead scared of fish, so I was so scared that whenever I put my feet down between the chunks of coral, or whenever I came over a ridge of coral, there'd be a fish/eel/shark there and it would eat me… I loved snorkelling in the deep water, though. That was really fun. At one point, I abandoned my snorkel and just dove with my mask and flippers, and stalked the puffer fishes. Then, one came underneath me (and these things are huge! And really ugly!) and I almost choked and drowned. It was kinda embarrassing, especially cause there were scuba divers nearby.

**Volleyballgirl-2892: **thanks! And I'm so sorry for not updating!

**NathanDavis: **thanks! I'm glad someone doesn't mind my short chapters. Hey, do you (and you don't have to answer this if you think I'm a stalker or something) by any chance, go to Glashan Public School? It's just I know a guy there named Nathan Davies and I was wondering if you were him. Sorry, that's a kinda awkward question, isn't it?

**Callernumber16onz100: **oh God I'm so sorry! I'm such an evil person!

**MultiFanficReader: **yep they were making out in the bathroom!

**Kyonkichi05: **thanks!

**DewWater: **Oh God! FISH! AHHHHHH! (did I mention I'm terrified of fish?) AHHHHH!

Never mind the dead, mutilated body lying next to me…

**Fallonaiya Sedai: **thank you! I can picture it, and that's rather scary, isn't it? I have a straaange mind.

**Da archer: **you would be most welcome as my guard. Ajihad: you can't kill me, lalalalalaaala, na na na booboo! I'm undead! Evil: ATTACK!!!

**Adriannrod Svit-Kona Sama: **thanks!

**I Need Tacos: **WAFFLES!! And it's okay that there's no maple syrup: I live in Canada! Maple syrup is really cheap here, I love it!

And, you know, that was really quite an insightful statement you made, about waffles and about life in general. (Evil is very impressed—she ponders it often)

**Mixer 1.2: **I'm sorry… (wails) oh, I'm such a terrible person! Please forgive me! I beg you!

**Traz: **AJIHAD!!!! (mauls) GIVE IT BACK!!! ARGH!!! GIVE IT GIVE IT GIVEITGIVEITGIVEIT!

There's nothing wrong with overusing the caps key! (angelic smile)

Arya: (shudder) there's something very wrong with that girl, something very, very wrong.

**LadyLapisLazuli: **thank you!

**Anonymous Reader13: **thanks! I'm sorry for not updating!

**Sarralyn Numairsri: **COOKIE! CUPCAKE! (gorges)

Heehee! Cookie is fun to say if you say 'KOO-kie' and cupcake is fun to say if you say 'KUP-cake'

Hehe… thank you, and I'm sorry. I don't deserve the cookie and cupcake. (regurgitates them and hands them back)

Arya: EW! WTF DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!! (tackles Evil and knocks the gooey substances away from Sarralyn)

Arya: (brushes off) sorry about that.

**Dyingstrength: **aw I'm sorry! Thank you! Forgive me! please!!

**KiyokoCartoonist: **thanks! I'm SORRY!!! I feel awful!

**NightOwl: **thank you so much! And I'm really really really really really sorry!

**SilverAurora: **thanks and I'm really sorry! I truly am, both thankful for the review and the compliments, and for not updating.

**Lord Rasler: **heehee thank you so much! I'm very flattered.

**Dealer in Death: **thanks, and I'm sorry for not updating!

Heehee… someone with a name like yours, reading a story like this one… it's an interesting contrast!

Anyway, pay no attention to my musings. Thank you for the review and the compliment!

**EvaliaPoison: **merci beaucoup! Thanks for reading and reviewing, and please update your story soon!

Hm… do you think it would be weird if I wrote a songfic in English, but had the lyrics in French?

**DragonWriter444: **heehee thank you! (Evil is actually sitting at her computer, grinning as though you were right in front of her. it's kinda sad how much she needs a life…)

**Sora girlfriend: **thank you for all your reviews!


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